Dealing with Moral Failure

My wife and I watched the video recorded at the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana’s Wednesday night service as the Deacons reported on the dismissal of their pastor, Jack Schaap for inappropriate behavior with a minor. I’ve read that a Deacon picked up the pastor’s cell phone from the pulpit and noticed a picture of the pastor and a young teen kissing. That lead him and others to investigate and it turned out that last Monday night the Deacons met with the Pastor to confront him with the evidence to which the head Deacon indicated he made full confession.

That’s a church of some 15,000 members. The spiritual damage is incredible. And sneer of the unbelieving world grows towards the whole Body of Christ.

As I’ve served on our district denomination’s discipline committee, I can resonate with the pain and heartache that the Deacon Board and church is feeling. My own church suffered the loss of some precious ministers because of inappropriate relationships. And so as I watched that video, there were a lot of emotions that resurfaced. It’s caused me to think again about how God would have us handle and deal with sin like this.

I applaud the Deacon board for the swiftness with which they dealt with the issue. The rumor mill didn’t get a chance to get turned on. I hope that they did their homework and their decision was not based on hearsay or conjecture. I also hope that behind the scenes there is a lot of love and concern being poured out to the Pastor Schaap and his family as well as the affected teen and her family.

That is one aspect that I would have like to have seen more of. Those who spoke in the video talked a great deal about how their actions were all about their love for and concern for the church. But there was a missing element of their love for the Pastor and his family. It wasn’t quite that “throw him under the bus” feeling, but I would have appreciated a bit of humility and brokenness from the leaders for their now former pastor.

This morning in my devotional readings I was in Psalm 143. Verse 2 says, “Enter not into judgment with your servant, for no one living is righteous before you.” One of the things that I’ve come to expect when I’ve been involved in a discipline case or just hear about horrendous happenings like this is that I begin to examine my own heart, mind and life. When I went running and was mediating on the verse I thought about Jesus’ words in the sermon on the mount … “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28.

And then with the woman caught in adultery Jesus challenges the throngs that the person who is without sin can cast the first stone. To which they all turn away.

The ramifications of a pastor’s moral failure are especially devastating and Paul admonishes Timothy: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. ²⁰ Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning. 1 Timothy 5:19-20. So the actions of the First Baptist Church’s Deacons is appropriate.

Dr Schaap should be embracing a long season of repentance to deal with all that led him to this sin. But may we always rebuke in love and not wrath.

Seven Basic Needs of a Wife

The first time I heard of this list was as a college student back in the early 80s. The “College and Career” Sunday school class that I attended decided to ask the Associate Pastor to lead this series and attendance during the series soared! All the ladies were dragging their boyfriends to Sunday school. It was VERY good and I still remember a number of the principles … and stories that the pastor told. The only disappointment was that the next semester we ran the complimentary series: Seven Basic Needs of a Husband. You guessed it! Attendance plummeted! I thought I’d at least post the seven needs here and then let anyone comment on or add an illustration.

     1)      She needs the stability, confidence and direction of a spiritual leader.

     2)      She needs to know that she is meeting vital needs in your life and work that no other woman can meet.

     3)      She needs to see and hear that you cherish her and that you delight in her as a person.

     4)      She needs to know that you understand her by protecting her in her area of limitations.

     5)      She needs to know that you enjoy setting aside quality time for intimate conversations.

     6)      She needs to know that you are aware of her presence even when your mind is on other matters.

     7)      She needs to see that you are making investments in her life that will expand and fulfill her world.

How My Husband Leads

I’m indebted to Nicole Cottrell for her posts on her blog (www.modernreject.com) about issues of submission and the testimony of how her husband leads. I thought that her list of the ways that her husband honored her by being the spiritual leader was great for “rubber meets the road” reality. I had one couple come up to me grinning ear to ear after the message. She said, “You know my husband got an “A+” today! He nailed every one of those items on that list!”

My husband leads and he leads well. His leading blesses me and our marriage as a whole. Here’s how he does it…

He is undoubtedly, every time, without question the first to apologize, even if I was in the wrong. He is the first to seek reconciliation.

He has never once raised his voice to me.

He tells me, and then shows me, that our marriage is his number one ministry.

He tells our children, and then shows them, that mom and dad’s marriage is his number one ministry.

He regularly checks in with me to see how he is doing as a husband and father. He asks where he can improve and always receives any suggestions with humility and kindness.

He knows when to be firm with me without ever demeaning me, fathering me, or patronizing me.

He fully supports my dreams, in all areas, and is willing to sacrifice his own needs to help me achieve those dreams.

He never speaks poorly of me.

He never speaks poorly of our marriage.

He never speaks poorly of marriage, in general.

He respects my mind and my body.

He submits to Christ.

He attempts every single day to love me as Christ loves the church.

He does not ask, “How can Nicole serve me,” but rather “How can I serve Nicole?”

He makes decisions with me and in prayer, not as some rogue agent.

He does not lead from a place of self-satisfaction or self-exaltation, but from a place of self-sacrifice.

He does not just lead his family, but he also pastors his family.

He prioritizes me and our children above work, friends, and other commitments.

He is consistent in his actions, attitude, and dedication to us.

He knows that parenting is a two-person job.

He emphasizes our children’s character, not just their achievements.

He is, at times, annoyingly patient and unbelievably kind.

He makes me feel safe and protected.

He never accuses me or brings up old wrongs.

He tells me he loves me again and again.

He represents Christ’s love to our family each and every day.