How My Husband Leads

I’m indebted to Nicole Cottrell for her posts on her blog (www.modernreject.com) about issues of submission and the testimony of how her husband leads. I thought that her list of the ways that her husband honored her by being the spiritual leader was great for “rubber meets the road” reality. I had one couple come up to me grinning ear to ear after the message. She said, “You know my husband got an “A+” today! He nailed every one of those items on that list!”

My husband leads and he leads well. His leading blesses me and our marriage as a whole. Here’s how he does it…

He is undoubtedly, every time, without question the first to apologize, even if I was in the wrong. He is the first to seek reconciliation.

He has never once raised his voice to me.

He tells me, and then shows me, that our marriage is his number one ministry.

He tells our children, and then shows them, that mom and dad’s marriage is his number one ministry.

He regularly checks in with me to see how he is doing as a husband and father. He asks where he can improve and always receives any suggestions with humility and kindness.

He knows when to be firm with me without ever demeaning me, fathering me, or patronizing me.

He fully supports my dreams, in all areas, and is willing to sacrifice his own needs to help me achieve those dreams.

He never speaks poorly of me.

He never speaks poorly of our marriage.

He never speaks poorly of marriage, in general.

He respects my mind and my body.

He submits to Christ.

He attempts every single day to love me as Christ loves the church.

He does not ask, “How can Nicole serve me,” but rather “How can I serve Nicole?”

He makes decisions with me and in prayer, not as some rogue agent.

He does not lead from a place of self-satisfaction or self-exaltation, but from a place of self-sacrifice.

He does not just lead his family, but he also pastors his family.

He prioritizes me and our children above work, friends, and other commitments.

He is consistent in his actions, attitude, and dedication to us.

He knows that parenting is a two-person job.

He emphasizes our children’s character, not just their achievements.

He is, at times, annoyingly patient and unbelievably kind.

He makes me feel safe and protected.

He never accuses me or brings up old wrongs.

He tells me he loves me again and again.

He represents Christ’s love to our family each and every day.

What Submission is NOT

In the message I preached on Mother’s Day (Wives and the “S” Word) I presented a list of what submission is NOT. I had a number of comments on that list and expression of appreciation for making some important distinctions. I thought that it was important enough and might benefit a lot of us to review it here. Keep in mind that these thought are drawn out of 1 Peter 3:1-6 and are not meant to be the end all on the topic of submission in marriage.

¯  Peter is not saying that all women must submit to all men. This is all about the marriage relationship and to make more of it than that is abusive.

¯  Peter is not saying that a woman can’t have thoughts independent of her husband’s. That’s ludicrous! In fact when we get to considering the way God has created us as complimentary we discover that the independent thinking of the wife is critical for the success of the husband and the marriage.

¯  Peter is not saying that the woman should not influence her husband. God himself took note that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He needed someone to help influence and help him.

¯  Peter is not saying that the husband is the ultimate authority in his wife’s life. Obviously Christ is the ultimate authority. And then Christ puts other “deputy” authorizes over the husband to rule over any abuse he might exercise over his wife. If the husband is abusing his authority or his wife or family, she is to appeal to those authorities placed over him … beginning with the church and then potentially the government.

The Parable of the BOAT LIFT Rescue

One of our friends posted a link to an incredible video clip on YouTube. Called "BOATLIFT: An Untold Tale of 9/11 Resilience." There is an obvious humanitarian inspirational aspect to this story of the hundreds of boats that drove to lower Manhattan on 9-11 to rescue a half million people trapped at the tip of that island by the collapsing twin towers.
But the story line and quotes in this video provide an incredible parable of the Christian's commission to be part of God's rescue mission of souls for eternity. I'm taken back a month ago to a quote from the movie, "The Great Raid." "It is comforting to know that there is someone who desires my life more than an enemy who desires my death." Check out the video and then record some of your favorite quotes that speak to you!

The Danger of Spiritual Viruses

   Our church has been in pursuit of "helping a friend move one step closer to Jesus." It has been an emphasis to encourage and equip our family of faith in how to build intentional redemptive relationships with those who have yet to put their faith in Christ. The objective is to help them move, even if its just one step closer to a full relationship with Christ.

    We're now encouraging our people to utilize the National Back to Church Sunday as a place to put things into practice. It's time to quit talking about reaching out and actually doing it. National BTC Sunday is September 18. We're then following it up with a series called "GodQuest" that invites people to continue to seek out a relationship with Christ by addressing some of the most significant faith issues that people face.

    But ... isn't it always the case when God's people begin to do God's work in God's ways that there is opposition? Sometimes is obvious and pronounced. But other times the opposition stealth. It isn't obvious and even when it's pointed out many folks still don't recognize it.
 

    In several conversations over the past couple of days a couple of issue keep coming up. A CRITICAL SPIRIT and AN OFFENSE TAKEN. Someone has even been offended that it was suggested to them that they have a critical spirit. This is NOT to say that there are times for evaluation and constructive criticism and evaluation. But there can be a spirit of criticism that takes root and begins to find fault in everyone and everything. The result is destruction and disillusionment.

    That is really bad for the unity of the Body of Christ! Jesus said that his disciples would be known by the manner in which they loved one another. Evangelism and outreach are closely tied to the level of unity and harmony there is in the Church.

    With that in mind I began to think about relevant passages of scripture that the Lord would want to say to me and to my CrossPoint family of faith. Here they are ...

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)

⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. ⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God,  and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (ESV)

¹⁴ Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. ¹⁵ Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God.
Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

Hebrews 12:14-15 (NLT)

In our strategy to help our friends take one step closer to Jesus we must recognize that there is a tremendous spiritual battle raging. This is an act of war against the Kingdom of Darkness and we must confront the enemy if we are to rescue souls from His prison.

There is, admittingly, an “external” spiritual battle taking place. Those who we are attempting to reach out to, will have thoughts and schedules that conflict with what God is directing us to do. We also have our own issues of time, opportunity and fears that keep us from being what these folks need us to be. Lord willing we’ll focus on that next week.

But the greater threat to being all that God wants us to be are spiritual strongholds within – spiritual viruses that make us spiritually weak and ineffective. One of the greatest spiritual viruses is the stronghold of a critical spirit. Consider what a critical spirit does to us …

(1)    It breaks down spiritual unity of the Body of Christ.

(2)    It diverts incredible amounts of mental and emotional energy away from eternal matters.

(3)    It is a path of increasing passivity.

(4)    It gives our ego a place of worship in our souls.

(5)    It leads us down into the dark valley of discouragement and discontentment.

Expanded Sermon Notes from 6/24/2011

When I got home from church on Sunday I glanced at the sermon notes that had been included in the worship folders given out for people to follow along. I realized to my disappointment that I had not listed the supporting passages for the outline. The more I have thought about Sunday's message on "Critical Perceptions for Effective Witnessing," the more I realize how significant this message is for the future of our evangelistic passion and fruitfulness. I've included the outline below for people to use as they listen to the message again (www.sermon.net/crosspointac) and look up and study the supporting passages.

Critical Perceptions for Effective Witness

Pastor Tim Feather Mark 5:1-13

#4 One Step Closer June 26, 2011

The Greatness of People’s Need “Without Christ people are …”

Spiritually Dead

John 3:6-7; 1 John 5:11-12

Under the Influence of Satan

Eph 2:2; Col 2:15

Without restraint

Ez 35:26-27

Prone to hurt themselves

Filled with many complex issues

Lonely

The Fullness of Christ’s Sufficiency

He is Son of the MOST high God

James 2:19

He has superior authority

Col 2:15; Eph 5-6

His righteousness calls for reverent fear and worship

Rom 12:1

Expectant Churches Gather Together

In the message that I presented on Sunday regarding the blessed hope of the believer (The Second Coming of the Lord Jesus Christ!), I made a point that churches that are made up of believers who are actively looking forward to the Lord’s return will passionately gather together regularly. This point was based on Hebrews 10:24-25 … “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

In brief, the points I made on Sunday included:
· Every time we gather together it is to be a dress rehearsal for Heaven. It is supposed to be a “foretaste” of glory.
· Our culture of the individual makes this sort of perspective difficult to comprehend or assimilate. We make fun of “it takes a village” sort of talk, but when we give up that value to our cultural norms, we find ourselves separated from the whole and hopelessly drift according to the prevailing currents.
· We are way too casual about church attendance. If there is nothing else to do, we go to church.

But what I didn’t say on Sunday has to do more with our level of commitment and devotion to the local church. In the early church this aspect of gathering together dictated their lives. Their devotion to the other believers in their local church governed their schedules. In essence, in the waiting church – the expectant church – the church came first.

We see it in the book of Acts as they gathered together daily and broke bread together. The apostles seem to assume this priority as they write their letters. This passage from the book of Hebrews indicates that there must have been some believers even back then who were not as devoted to gathering together as they had been and the call was to not let that happen.

There are a couple of factors in our day and age that make it tough for us to even imagine this sort of lifestyle.
· There were no other churches down the street. We’ve become consumer oriented in our church shopping and this leads to superficial commitment. “As long as my needs are being met by this fellowship … I’m committed.”
· Our lives are so full and there are so many competing priorities that to say that my life is centered in the gathered church is nuts! But keep in mind that while life was simple in Bible times, it was hard. The most mundane and simple tasks took so much longer than they do today.
· We live in a world that says, “You’re too heavenly minded to be earthly good.” The whole notion of living in expectation of the second coming says that “You no earthly good unless you are heavenly minded!”

I just finished a conversation with someone who told me of another pastor who, after a similar study on the Second Coming, would wake up every morning look over at his wife and say “This may be the day!” O that I would live that way! O that my family of faith would live in that context. O that He might come TODAY!!!

I Dare You to Pray This

Francis Chan recorded this challenge that really connects with the series that we just finished at CrossPoint on "Consumption: Are you a Consumer or Conduit of God's Abundance?" Check this out!

In a post on the web site on which I found this video (churchleaders.com) there was one comment that I in one way agree with and in another way disagree with. The comment was a disagreement with Chan's desire to pray for only what he needed. The reality is that God's desire is to give in abundance - to give us much more than we need. Our issue is that when we receive that abundance, we all too often receive it as meeting our "need" and we end up consuming it as belonging to us.

What I did agree with was the commentator's alternative prayer: "Lord, all I have belongs to you, for you are my source. And I give back to you what I don't need to live daily, with the remainder applied to fulfill your assignment in my life. Show me who to share with, who to bless and who could use more for your purpose in their lives. All of my needs are supplied according to Your riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Amen"

I just see it as a further development of Chan's prayer. Unless we pray (and meant it) Chan's prayer of simplicity and austerity, we all too often don't see the abundance that God pours into our lives with the expectation that it will overflow into Kingdom advancement and blessing for many others.