Memorial Day Weekend

    A few years ago I wrote an article for a newspaper for one of the local senior citizen living communities on Memorial Day. I had never given it much thought but as I researched and found out some of the significant aspects to the observance I was humbled and embarrassed that I'd never thought of the weekend as much more than the kick off to summer fun.
    The past 7 or 8 years my family and I have gone to the Copley Memorial Day Ceremonies. To be honest ... we went because my two daughters were in the High School band. But every year I go away with a new and fresh sense of humility and thankfulness for those who have sacrificed their lives for the sake of preserving and advancing freedom and human dignity in our world. It's not just a "God and County" celebration but a moment to take into account what sacrifice and serving others really looks like.
    If you can find a Memorial Day observance to attend ... just do it! If you're in the Akron area I'd recommend the Copley Township program. It begins with a short parade at 10:00 starting at the Middle School and then heading to the Copley Cemetery on Copley Road. The program at the Cemetery begins about 10:20 and will run through the 11:00 hour. This year the featured speaker is Major Raven Bukowski, a 1999 Copley High School graduate and 2003 graduate of West Point.

Greater love has no one than this,
that someone lay down his life for his friends. 

 John 15:13 

Seven Basic Needs of a Wife

The first time I heard of this list was as a college student back in the early 80s. The “College and Career” Sunday school class that I attended decided to ask the Associate Pastor to lead this series and attendance during the series soared! All the ladies were dragging their boyfriends to Sunday school. It was VERY good and I still remember a number of the principles … and stories that the pastor told. The only disappointment was that the next semester we ran the complimentary series: Seven Basic Needs of a Husband. You guessed it! Attendance plummeted! I thought I’d at least post the seven needs here and then let anyone comment on or add an illustration.

     1)      She needs the stability, confidence and direction of a spiritual leader.

     2)      She needs to know that she is meeting vital needs in your life and work that no other woman can meet.

     3)      She needs to see and hear that you cherish her and that you delight in her as a person.

     4)      She needs to know that you understand her by protecting her in her area of limitations.

     5)      She needs to know that you enjoy setting aside quality time for intimate conversations.

     6)      She needs to know that you are aware of her presence even when your mind is on other matters.

     7)      She needs to see that you are making investments in her life that will expand and fulfill her world.

How My Husband Leads

I’m indebted to Nicole Cottrell for her posts on her blog (www.modernreject.com) about issues of submission and the testimony of how her husband leads. I thought that her list of the ways that her husband honored her by being the spiritual leader was great for “rubber meets the road” reality. I had one couple come up to me grinning ear to ear after the message. She said, “You know my husband got an “A+” today! He nailed every one of those items on that list!”

My husband leads and he leads well. His leading blesses me and our marriage as a whole. Here’s how he does it…

He is undoubtedly, every time, without question the first to apologize, even if I was in the wrong. He is the first to seek reconciliation.

He has never once raised his voice to me.

He tells me, and then shows me, that our marriage is his number one ministry.

He tells our children, and then shows them, that mom and dad’s marriage is his number one ministry.

He regularly checks in with me to see how he is doing as a husband and father. He asks where he can improve and always receives any suggestions with humility and kindness.

He knows when to be firm with me without ever demeaning me, fathering me, or patronizing me.

He fully supports my dreams, in all areas, and is willing to sacrifice his own needs to help me achieve those dreams.

He never speaks poorly of me.

He never speaks poorly of our marriage.

He never speaks poorly of marriage, in general.

He respects my mind and my body.

He submits to Christ.

He attempts every single day to love me as Christ loves the church.

He does not ask, “How can Nicole serve me,” but rather “How can I serve Nicole?”

He makes decisions with me and in prayer, not as some rogue agent.

He does not lead from a place of self-satisfaction or self-exaltation, but from a place of self-sacrifice.

He does not just lead his family, but he also pastors his family.

He prioritizes me and our children above work, friends, and other commitments.

He is consistent in his actions, attitude, and dedication to us.

He knows that parenting is a two-person job.

He emphasizes our children’s character, not just their achievements.

He is, at times, annoyingly patient and unbelievably kind.

He makes me feel safe and protected.

He never accuses me or brings up old wrongs.

He tells me he loves me again and again.

He represents Christ’s love to our family each and every day.

What Submission is NOT

In the message I preached on Mother’s Day (Wives and the “S” Word) I presented a list of what submission is NOT. I had a number of comments on that list and expression of appreciation for making some important distinctions. I thought that it was important enough and might benefit a lot of us to review it here. Keep in mind that these thought are drawn out of 1 Peter 3:1-6 and are not meant to be the end all on the topic of submission in marriage.

¯  Peter is not saying that all women must submit to all men. This is all about the marriage relationship and to make more of it than that is abusive.

¯  Peter is not saying that a woman can’t have thoughts independent of her husband’s. That’s ludicrous! In fact when we get to considering the way God has created us as complimentary we discover that the independent thinking of the wife is critical for the success of the husband and the marriage.

¯  Peter is not saying that the woman should not influence her husband. God himself took note that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He needed someone to help influence and help him.

¯  Peter is not saying that the husband is the ultimate authority in his wife’s life. Obviously Christ is the ultimate authority. And then Christ puts other “deputy” authorizes over the husband to rule over any abuse he might exercise over his wife. If the husband is abusing his authority or his wife or family, she is to appeal to those authorities placed over him … beginning with the church and then potentially the government.